I have always been a firm believer that everyone has their own superpower(s). Yes for some that superpower may be resting bitchface, but it is a superpower nonetheless. I never could quite figure out what my superpower was and I did not know why until recently. About 17 years ago, I married my best friend and after 5 long years of trying we were finally blessed with our own family. My husband is the kind & patient one, Silent Bob to my Jay, and graciously became a stay at home dad. I wanted to have a career and support our family. I worked my way up within my company and fast forward 10 years and a few traumatic events later and I hit what I have now learned is autistic burnout. I worked 50-70 hours a week and I sucked at prioritizing me time or vacations. At some point I struggled to not think about work when I was trying to sleep, then it bled into the daytime, and then into quality time with my family, and then into my video game time. I constantly scanned for threats at outings, I constantly over analyzed the best thing to say, developed imposter syndrome, and I stayed quiet in rooms my authentic self would scream in. I got overstimulated by my kids super-easily…but to be fairrrrr, they “mom” water board me a lot… I seriously counted “mom” being said 25 times in 15 minutes between the two of them…wwtttfffff. Anyways, I stopped being myself and knowing who I was. I kept thinking to myself that “I will plan a vacation next week” or “I will make it up on this day” or “if i skip my shower/sleep, I can meet that deadline”. To pile on to the party, my inner voice turned into a harsh critic that gaslighted me 24/7! I criticized myself for wasting time organizing my thoughts, writing emails, making decisions, other people’s decisions, and even talking to my family! I felt like a burden if I shared with others or wasted their time which made me shut down more. I was drowning and I didn’t even know who “I” was anymore. I am fortunate to have amazing providers that I turned to for help. Being vulnerable and saying everything without knowing what would happen was hard, but I needed to get myself better because my family and I deserve it. There is a local walk-in mental health clinic in my area. I was able to come in and get assessed. I was diagnosed with major depression (which i have been treated with for years), PTSD, and ADHD. My new psychiatrist told me that with PTSD in particular it is something that you cannot really cure- it is something you dance with every day. Additionally, anytime we go through new life events or milestones, we tend to re-process our trauma through that new lens (#fuckyou40&menopause). She also told me that Fibromyalgia is caused by PTSD and getting the right meds and skills in check would help with my pain. I have had migraines, fibromyalgia, and other chronic health issues for years. Reading other fibro folks stories, I always felt fibro was related to trauma. I cried leaving her office.
I also enrolled in a PTSD group therapy program that was absolutely amazing- it challenged me and taught me real skills that I use to figure out my emotions and speak up. They have several programs and it took one phone call for them to ask questions and place me in the right program. After about 3 months in the program, I stopped panicking that I needed to be somewhere and as I have been slowly shedding my mask, my fibromyalgia pain has gotten way better! I suspect I will have ups and downs, but it will probably stay with me like trauma. I made great progress in the trauma program, but I still felt there was a piece of the puzzle missing. A dear friend of mine told me a while back that I was autistic- I had been doing some research for both myself and my kids on it. I had a feeling both my kids were autistic when they were babies, but I did not realize this about myself. I reached out to my psychiatrist and got a referral to a nuero-psych for an autism assessment. Having it documented would mean that I couldn’t gaslight myself that it wasn’t real and I could understand what supports would help me live my life better. Locally these providers only took insurance for kids and/or charged about 5k for adult evaluations. Luckily my phone was listening and the algorithm gifted me an ad for Prosper Health- they were able to fully bill my insurance so it was my favorite price of free! I confirmed with my therapist that they were legit first…just in case 😅. The assessment took about 3 weeks (once a week) and there was a lengthy online assessment that I had to fill out. Two other people- one of which had to know me as a child and was at least 5 years older than me had to complete an assessment that was about 45 minutes long. My assessor was kind and thorough. He helped me understand how to unmask, gave me references to their community supports, and gave me a list of workplace accommodations that help autistic folks succeed!
Finding all of this out and having it officially documented is both extremely validating and a roller coaster. I was diagnosed officially on May 7, 2026 with autism. I am still processing and I have gone through sort of a grieving period for the confidence and opportunities I might have had if I knew sooner. My primary objective is unmasking AND helping my kids unmask and regulate. Looking back at all of those symptoms I can see how I reached burn-out. It was the stress of masking for work and meeting everyone else’s needs without making myself a priority. Our bodies take in all of the trauma, the weight of our unmet needs, and worries. Our body carries this baggage in our pelvis, neck, head, and stomach. Our body keeps score and I am determined to live a full life and raise happy, healthy kids that are not assholes 😉!
Thank you for reading! Please sure to check out the References and Helpful Links section- I am adding books, services, and resources as I find them.
Please feel free to comment below on your self-discovery and remember to be you and love yourself 💕!
Unmasking CoCo while raising dragons 
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